:/

So I have been in this downward spiral the past few weeks where I have been drinking or doing drugs every night. One part of me thinks it's me trying to get the college experience that I don't get at Brooks, but the other part thinks that I'm making excuses for myself. My panic attacks have gotten worse and more frequent, but I guess it's good that I'm showing my emotions outwards rather than holding it all in and ending up having to go to the hospital for "unexplained abdominal pain" which, buy the way happened last Monday. I have some sweet track marks. 

I have been awake for 48 hours, due to the fact that my roomate/bff's computer got stolen out of our house and nothing else and I know how much her computer meant to her, as weird as that sounds? It has her life...so ghive it back before i come and find you myself. Also on Friday I impulsively bought a ticket to How Sweet because I missed Omahr and Dylan. Such a good night, but I am still unable to sleep for obvious reasons. Well, obvious if you know me. Secrettt

Even though my anxiety has heightened and I am in a downward spiral I feel like I am more confident and secure with myself than I ever have been. I'm being honest with myself about some of my "habits" and forcing myself to face them and admit to them. I am not proud of a lot of the things I have done/continue to do, but if it comes up I will speak on it, honestly. For the most part.  But that could also be due to the fact that I will be MIA more than usual from SB starting April 27th and therefore dgaf on life, in every way.