i did it!

It's been one year since my Mom told my brother and I she regrets having us. In front of people.
I can do this (:

:D

So, I was completely dreading moving back to OC for various reasons, but tonight confirmed that I will be all right. Omahr, Rob t. Morrae and Dylan came over to play, we played some pong, sat by the pool. I have Morrae, and Omahr and Dylan are about a 30 min drive away. I will be okay if I need to escape.

I miss Mimi. I miss phat beats. I miss Topher. I miss Zach.

I am so nervous for Mammoth. My dad is the best. I am just an intern.

I love my brother.

I am high on life. Woo. The next week will be the best.

"now that is what we call a butteryass Monday"

It's always an adventure with you fuckers.

I babysat my brother and some of his friends tonight, we attempted to go to Hollywood to see Ladytron and the Faint but it was sold out when we got there, but we ended up having an epic LBC adventure anyways. Always fun.

Today was my first day of interning. And I am in love. With snowboarding, the magazine, the people...I'm lame. Whatevs. They invited me to go to Mammoth next week to shoot or assist their senior photographers. My daddy already got me a hotel. I'm so excited. Solo road trip. I hope I can bring Rex...

It's my dad's birthday today. yayayayayayyyy. I found Mack the most perfect card to get him when we went to CVS 2 seconds ago. So good. My mom just might kill him ha. My dad will lol though so it'll be worth it (:

kjlkjljk

"meghan, if you're just you know, home tomorrow, kickin' it, feel free to throw some of my clothes in the washer. i got a huge ass pile and my friend that i just got cigs for got a new bong so i don't have time..."

oh

Having a panic attack 1 hour into your move back home is normal right? Even after your mom tells you she failed in raising you? okay good. I think we're off to a good start.

Tomorrow will blow my mind.

I'm "covering" for my brother right now. he just left with some friend to buy him cigs. oh to be 18...I mean he, went to our neighbor's to let him borrow a book. And walked. Yeah that's where Macky is...fuck. I'm not used to covering for Mimi when she leaves the house super stealth style. At ten fucking thirty. K I got this.

My daddy is the greatest man alive. I love him for driving to get all my shit twice, and buying me Silvergreens, twice. Then tolerating my panic attacks due to the 'love of his life.'
In sickness and in health. You're the best daddy.

Meghan, you know when you're here you won't be drinking because of your diabetes. You need to dry out.
Okay "Mom", I will if you do.

My stuff is pretty much all moved in, my dad had my room all set up for me, but I'm trying to get various stains out of my sheets due to last Saturday and nothing will dry. So I am waiting...but anyways I got this egg bookshelf for all my shit. And my room, or the room I will be staying in, still has all my brother's posters in it. I am not a tom boy. I would rather have a huge ass chili cheese fries poster and a milkshake hanging there. Oh well, I love Mack so I dgaf.

I have finally realized how freakishly obsessed I am with my dog. Whatever. He keeps me sane. He is a person. My BFF. Who doesn't leave my side. lil slug<3

I wanna go home. I cried.

©mimi chugaforty

hjuhlkj

I move this weekend.

Last night was epic to say the least. I can't believe that I was "strong" enough to do that. fml.

I loved my surprise party. But note to anyone that would like to throw me a surprise party: somehow find out if I am barred before I start drinking or I won't remember it. And my bong will still be in tact. I love Mimi. more than anything. 

I can't function.

I can't do this.

But I am. 

 

:D

Today I had the most productive day in a while. Even though I slept until 12. 

I think the medication I am on is finally the right dosage, but I still don't know how I feel about it. I feel like I have become less intuitive and am finding it harder to relate to other people's feelings or sympathize. For example, today Mimi's mixer died and she was sad and I had no idea what to do besides give her a hug. I didn't know what to say or do, and I feel like I've had similar situations in the past and have been able to relate more in the moment. But all in all I am a lot less anxious and I guess that's what it's for :/. But fuck. 

I went to IV to help Vinny prepare for his date (: and just hanging out with my best friend while he's sober reminds me why he is my best friend and love him so much. Because the good definitely outweighs the bad, although no one seems to see it but me. 4 years strong...can't stop now. Or ever. And I am pretty high on life because of it. 

 typical. 

meh.

erin punching the time clock at school for the very last time ! yayayay

I loved this weekend. And the Hannah Montana movie. But now I am starting to realize that I really will be leaving Santa Barbara for 5 months and I've become emo. I don't want to hang out with anyone because I don't want to get any more attached to them than I already am. I just want Mimi and Vinny and Rob T because I know nothing will change with them. So if I come up with some lame excuse to not see you, that is why.

I went to SD this weekend as well and the chron down there is definately all shwag, but this time I was going for quantity and not quality. 

 

and now to write my internship proposal for school. FML. Good thing it's Xanax bar Monday. But maybe I don't wanna finish anything, anymore. 

yay erin!

Erin graduated today and she looked gorgeous as always. So fucking cute. Confetti was thrown as she made her way down the red carpet to punch her time card for the very last time (: then BJ's with Uncle Kirk, Victorious and Shelby. Daaaank. Now I am trying not to fall asleep as I wait for Eli and Chase to come play for the weekend.

Last Sunday was insane. I'm still trying to piece it together. Laguna, Newport, Laguna, Dana Point, sketchy ass hills, Random gated neighbor hoods in Newport, Burger King, staring at the ocean, and the fucking dog park. I loved my family for the night, Mack (I know, I  know, we already are family) Nate and Benito. And Benito is the best babysitter in the history of babysitters. Thank you Jeff, love you <3

"it's like.....come back."

My anxiety is improving. I was assertive with my "mom" today without puking after. Go me. 

I only worked nine hours this week. So Rex and I went on a walk, and I smoked some weed that just gave me the munchies and ptfo. Never again. 

MOTHER FUCKER. 

I'm currently frustrated with people that won't take me seriously when I am in fact being serious. I pride myself on being honest, even if not ENTIRELY but I am honest. I won't mislead you. Just ask the right questions. 

I like you, but I will get over you 2.5 seconds after I move. I am attached to you, and will miss you, because you are my friend, but I'm just not as attached to your cock as you think I am. I'm sorry :/

I finally got new pants and I went from a size 28-29 to a 25. I love you insulin. 

I really don't want to move back to Laguna. I do for this amazing opportunity, but I think I am going to die. I like my house in Santa Barbara. I like my room in Santa Barbara. I love the people I live with and my neighbors. I don't wanna leave, but I guess I want this more.

rjtrklafjsk

i can't even begin to describe how fucking epic tonight was...

other peoples lives seem more interesting cause they ain't mine

I have no idea why, but I am completely content right now. It could be due to the fact that I found a teacher to supervise my internship, I finally went to the school counselor so I can get help with stuff when I do come back to school and am on top of things for a change. kind of. I still need to write my internship thing, so I'll have a xanax bar Monday in a few days. 

3 weeks (: I'm scurred. 

I miss Vinny. I miss Erin. I miss Mimi. 

I love my dog, he keeps me sane. 

I can get my 48 hour chip today ! 

Rays liquor is open until 12 on weekends. My life just changed. Thank you Topher. 

untz

I want panda. again.

Really bad.

The Penguins of Madagascar is on in t minus 32. 

I'm picking up everyone's shifts this week. I'm so nice. Slash have no life. 

Rex ate my bagels.

I have no idea what I'm watching right now.

I'm giving in and going to get panda in the next 30 before penguins comes on. yessss.

peace love plur. brohms

hjhkjhk

april fools!

So today I woke up and walked Rex, showered, waited for Mimi and went to meet Chase at d'vine, watched TV, took Mimi to the airport and came home and got chronic from Topher and Then I illegally bought him alcohol. and now I am smoking and watching Family Guy. Holy Christ Church. whaa

Last night was fun, OT Payne gave me a make over

"girl you been shoppin at the grandma store"

buttery ass. 

I'm kind of excited to be alone for a few days. Maybe I'll read or something.

I have shrunk 4 pant sizes and my dad finally said i could get new pants. Yay ! 

k i'm annoying...