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So I guess my Pancreatitis is getting really bad again. I don't think I'll be able to avoid the feeding tube, but fucking...dare to dream. ha

My Grandma is right, I am going to die like Heath Ledger.

It's weird how one person can influence your life so much, and have no idea they are doing it. Even if you stop talking to that person they are still in the back of your mind, and you are still hoping to please them. You build a relationship with them in your head, to make you feel closer without realizing you're doing it. This makes me sound creepy, but I feel as though we've all done it.

I thought I was over this one kid, but I am not. :/ I'm pretty confident in the fact that I'm not needy or come on too strong though. I might do the opposite and play a little too hard to get and it's been bothering me for a while now, I don't know what to do. There is too much on the line. One day at a time. For everything, because I am currently dying again and I guess don't really have time for 'affairs of the heart' as much as I wish I did. Oh well, I've gotta get through this on my own. So I guess I don't really have time. Pancreatitis saves me from mental stress, but i'd rather be healthy and emo. unless I am happy and emo then I want pancreatitis to give me an excuse and it's easy to be un emo.

and my life be like.