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I miss my brother(s). I miss Vinny. I miss Mimi. I miss Omahr. I miss James. And everyone. But I don't want to leave here.

My understanding was the my job was going to be full time. So far, it's not. How is it that I can already have three jobs and have so much free time? I kinda need to try and pay rent by myself for the first time ever !

I got threatened to be fired last night for the 3rd time. Too bad it's against the law to fire someone with a chronic/terminal illness. GUESS WHO HAS ONE! I can have up to 90 payed days of calling in sick. And my lack of photos can be blamed on my health as well, therefore you can't fire me. I just need this job until the 12th so I can get paid to see the lakers (: Dying a slow (19years) and painful death definitely has its perks !

I love my dog. He's the best. Understanding I can't walk him when I'm sick. I finally had to sign a controlled substances form since I am just being treated for pain, like an elderly cancerous person. The beginning to the end. I don;t want to be a debbie downer but I've been doing research and if you have Chronic Pancreatitis you have about 25 years from your first attack. Most people have their first in their mid 40s. I was 14. I am perfectly okay with this, as long as by that point I don't have any children or anything to live for, meaning children. It's quality, not quantity. Which is why I am reckless and live everyday like it's my last, but I do take time out of my day to take my meds to preserve my pancreas and vitamins incase I do have a child someday that needs me around as long as possible. I guess there's a method to my madness. As long as I'm a better mom than my 'mom' was. Otherwise my illness could be a blessing. As it already is.

Work tomorrow. Kinda fucked. No snow tires and I suck at chains. It'll be an experience.

Can't I just be a snowboard photographer already? I mean if diabetes takes 12 years off your life, and pancreatits 25, then I'm living in dog years, and should have achieved my goal by now. yadidididimean?