help I'm alive

scratch that last post. or not. I'm gonna keep it cause I kind of like looking back on these things after a year. my xanga was the shit, because it was like a journal I kept when I was dying, and people liked it. And I liked looking back on it. I just don't think I can anymore, i'll try.

So I'm going to pretend like I'm a dying 16 year old again, and continue on.

My Pancreatitis has returned after 4 years. Basically that means my body is digesting itself. Right now, I should be in the hospital, by myself, in a city where my only friend is gone for a month. I refused to be admitted the other night because I do not want to leave my dog alone or impose that on my neighbors, whose phone numbers I did not have at the time. When I returned my neighbor, who I had only hung out with once has let my dog out and fed him. I guess it doesn't hurt that she has also been cursed with this disease and knows the all the pain that comes along with it. But I have had about 14-17 attacks and know what to do, so I requested the doctor write me perscriptions for everything and I have been following up by going to get blood work done to check my enzyme levels. Thank God I still have insurance for three more weeks. Kind of fucked after that, but not. The doctor I started seeing here is getting my history from every doctor I've ever seen and has agreed to refill everything for me, from my insulin to my xanax, and if I have another attack help me out with that so I won't have to go to the hospital uninsured. Sure, I'll still have to pay for her visits, but that's 4 doctors in one. I just have to sign a paper stating I won't 'doctor shop' for my class two medications. Not a problem. I can't drink for a very very long time, I waited 6 weeks after my last attack, but this attack was from drinking, so I think I'm going to take 2 years off again, with the exception of My 21st, and my good friends' birthdays. Just don't take advantage of me and have me DD you, because there are other ways to get fucked up.

Back to happy :D

I went to Jump on it last night and it was really fun ! Most fun I've had since I've been here. even though I kind of just sat, considering I was doped up on legal heroin. (I know have a spectrum of pain medication, one of them being dilaudid)And I really shouldn't have gone, but it was worth it (:

Mimi comes in two weeks! I think we're going to drive to Jackson Hole to see Big John then back here and find a place to go tubing.

I got my Nick Mullins T today. You don't wanna fight me, in my ex. tra. small. black. t.